kate + lemonade
In my first post on abuse, I said not to read the domestic violence chapter (chapter ten, “Intimate enemies”) in The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.[1] I’ve changed my mind.
Becker implies that on some level, victims choose to be abused—words that are both dangerous and wrong.
Abuse isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose it. It just happened to you.
Anne Kreamer wrote a book about going grey and described the experience like this:
“I went to a dinner party full of impressive people—activists, scientists, playwrights. I felt embarrassed that all I was working on was a piece about my hair. But people responded to it. And I realized, going grey is a serious issue! It is emotionally charged. It’s worth talking about.”[1]
So that’s what I’m doing today: talking about it.
Often, people don’t want advice. They want to vent, to be heard, to explore how they think and feel, and to connect—to not feel so alone.
When someone tells me about a problem they’re having and I give advice, it shuts down all those objectives. I seem like a know-it-all (who doesn’t actually know it all). And the other person feels distanced from me—more alone than ever.
So why do I do it? Because I’m…
Although I’m an atheist, and always will be, I have had a spiritual awakening.
If you’ve tried searching for advice on how to make yourself attractive, you’ve probably noticed a common theme: it’s useless. Here’s why.
“Good” characters typically wear red, blue, and yellow.
This is a letter to my younger self. This is part two; see parts one and three.
The whole reason people are in abusive relationships is that they will put up with practically anything for the sake of the relationship.
What people don’t understand is the fact that you’re willing to “put up with it” is the result of abuse—not a personal failure to stand up for yourself.
As a true summer, my best colors are pink, purple, blue, green, and pale lemon yellow, plus grey, taupe, and silver-white.
Note: The women below are not true summers, but they’re wearing colors that are (or close enough to illustrate the idea).
