The Lululemon mantra includes this line: “Successful people replace the words ‘wish’, ‘should’ and ‘try’, with ‘I will’.”
I disagree. You can’t say “I will” about anything until you know what you want—until you first say “I want” or “I wish.”[1]
They’ve got it right about “should,” though.
I propose this phrase instead: “There’s no such thing as ‘should.'”
Recently my friend won an award at work. The higher-ups at the company, a bank, wanted to meet with her.
One asked, “So where do you see yourself in five years? What role would you like to take on?” (He was really asking “Where would you like to be promoted next?”)
She made something up about being open to more opportunities, but really she was anguishing over what to say. In telling me about it, she said “I guess I should want to move up, but actually, I’m not particularly drawn to any other job.”
I said “There’s no such thing as ‘should.’ There’s only what you want. What do you want?”[2]
Indeed, she wants to stay at her current job, which she likes and is great at (hence the award). She was relieved to acknowledge this out loud.[3]
No shoulds frees you to be honest about what you want, and not feel guilty about it. So whenever you catch yourself saying, “I should,” replace it with “I want—and therefore I will.”
I’ll leave you with this song:
Video: Corinne Bailey Rae – Put Your Records On
When you gonna realize that you don’t even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down ♬
💖
Notes
[1] Also, it’s okay to wish for something you know won’t come true, and grieve the loss of your dream. And it’s okay to think, “I’ll try (but I can’t control the outcome).”
[2] Along with, of course, a) “Congratulations on the award!!!!!” and b) “They’re probably wondering what you want to do next because you’re smart and put-together, and being ambitious seems to go along with those two traits.”
[3] We agreed this doesn’t mean telling upper management “I have absolutely no ambition.” Sometimes it’s more strategic to sound interested in moving up. The point is to be honest with yourself.
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