1. A room made of jello
This is exactly what it sounds like: a room where the walls, floor, ceiling, and furniture are all made of jello.
I’ve wanted a jello room ever since I saw one on the TV show Arthur at age six.
With time, I’ve realized the show greatly exaggerated the tensile properties of jello. Of course, a real jello room would be a lint-covered mass of sticky, sugary goo—unappealing.
What I want is an idealized version of said jello room: a room whose every surface is glassy and silicone-smooth, while also being as bouncy as a trampoline, squishy as a foam block pit, and cool and dry as a well-baked cheesecake.
Also, while we’re taking requests, the jello itself should be lime-flavoured. (Lime is obviously the best flavour of jello.) So the whole room will be green and smell of lime and somehow also be edible and taste like lime jello when you bite into it.
(Although I guess I could allow some red-jello accent furniture here and there, just in case I get sick of lime. Strawberry jello is the second best.)
On another note: I don’t know what episode this is from (and I don’t want to read through all the episode descriptions to find it). Does anyone know what episode I’m talking about, or is this all in my head? Please advise.
2. A way to instantly find everything you own
Here’s my idea: there should be little stick-on sensors that you buy and stick on all your stuff. What stuff? Everything: books, glasses, keys, socks…
(The sensors should have some special sticking agent that’s as strong as superglue and as easy to lift-and-replace as a post-it.)
Whenever something goes missing, like a sock, you’d just open an app on your phone and select the sock in question, and a beam would be sent out across the entire world, like a sonic wave. (Update: my friend Karen has informed me that the word I’m looking for is “sonar”.)
As you might be able to tell, I recently misplaced my favourite pair of socks, and I’m pretty upset about it.
They were blue—sky blue—thick and woolly, mid-calf in length (height? How does one describe the reach of a sock?), with excellent padding.
Alas, I don’t know their exact material composition, but it was some magical combination that let me wear them for days on end without their ever becoming damp or smelly. (My mom’s response to this information was not the sympathetic murmur one might have expected, but instead the one-word pronouncement “Gross.”)
The worst part of losing something is that now that you know what life is like with it, you can’t go on without it. You have to drop everything and find a replacement, which takes ages.
(If only I’d known how great the socks would turn out to be, I would have bought more than one pair! But of course I had no way of knowing at the time.)
That’s why my Sticky Sensor Sonar System™ would be so great. If your item is too hard to retrieve—if, say, your poor socks, which you thought you’d find in the lost-and-found department of your NYC hotel, are in fact buried beneath a pile of garbage in the wastelands of rural Michigan, dirty and tattered, never to be seen again by man or animal alike—at least you’d know.
You could stop brooding on what could have been—always hoping they’re going to turn up while you’re going about your day—and finally move on with your life.
When you’re ready to move on, the app would automatically detect all relevant details of the item (brand, model, material, color, style, size, etc.) and scour the web to find the closest match available to purchase. All you’d have to do is tap “buy” to get a replacement pair delivered instantly to your house.
But such an app does not exist.
And so it is with a heavy heart that I come to the end of this segment.
RIP dear socks.
3. Clothing that actively cools you down
We have clothes that let you live in space, underwater, and at the top of Mount Everest. Why don’t we have clothes that let you live when it’s 40–50 degrees out??! (104 to 122 degrees Farenheit for you Americans.)
There should be some sort of fabric that simultaneously blocks the sun, stays cool to the touch, draws heat away from your body, absorbs sweat, and dries instantly. Also, outfits composed of leggings and long-sleeved shirts in this material should be thought of as stylish, elegant attire for all occasions.
I eagerly await this development.